wednesday, 11th November 2009
there's no point saying you want to do something if you really don't want to. there's no point in saying you care, when you act like you don't. words don't mean anything without the emotion or action to follow them up. maybe i'm wrong but i think that when you do something, your whole mind and heart should be in it.
you can't say you want to do something with somebody and then throughout the whole process, pay no attention to that person. you can't just shrug that person off the whole week and the suddenly act like you and that person are the best of friends.
and so, i guess my point is that there's no point pretending. if you're mad, just say it, talk about it, explain. if you're sad, just say why. if you hate someone for doing something, say what it is, so that person can just apologise and learn from her mistakes.
and if you can't come up with a justifiable reason to why you've been acting so dreadfully then i guess i have nothing more than to say that i feel so incredibly sorry for you. sorry that you have to resort to taking what ever feelings you've been having on to someone else, sorry that you show such blatant favouritism as and when you choose, sorry that you pick and choose among people who are supposed to be equal in your eyes, sorry that you can't be civilised enough to just talk things out, sorry that you expect me to be honest with you when you aren't honest with me. and actually i'm sorry for so many other things but i think i'll shut up now because i think you would know who you are. if you want i'll give you another hint, which would be that you don't go to my school and you're within the ages of 12-16.
so i've come to the end of my rant now, and i'm sorry for not telling this to your face, i don't think it's worth an argument. i think i'll just bottle it up for now, there's no point talking someone who can't be reasoned with. i'm sorry that i'm mad at you as well, i know i'm not supposed to be mad at you. but i don't think i can really stand it anymore, so i guess i'm just going to rant here.
thanks for reading, whoever actually reads this.

- amanda koh.

Have you ever gotten that feeling like you are being crushed by a thousand weights all at once?
Almost like the walls are closing in on you?
Like you have no more room to breathe?



The Beatles - Help
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.